Stress in children is common. There are typical themes of stress that often have to do with school, friendships, parents and siblings. Another common form of stress can get played out through fears. There are so many challenges kids face these days that can create fear. Increased economic challenges in families, natural disasters, media exposure to violence, changes in family structures and death of friends and loved ones can cause children to absorb large amounts of fear.

There are some very useful tools that parents, teachers and caregivers can use to begin to help children process these fears.

#1. Adult Fears. It is most helpful for parents to gauge their own fears. When an adult tries to talk to children about their fears or a specific fear, but hasn’t acknowledged their own fear, children sense this. Parents and caregivers who have not come face to face with their own fears can inadvertently transfer their fears onto their children. Children are energy antennas and can easily pick up the parents fears and act them out as their own. In order for parents to decipher who the fear belongs to, they must honestly take inventory of how the fear they see in their child could play out within their own life.

#2. Be Honest. It is acceptable to admit that you also feel fear. Although it is not typically useful to go into details and drama around your own fear, it is absolutely useful and necessary to acknowledge your fears and normalize the experience and feelings. If your child asks if you are afraid, a great way to respond is “I do feel afraid sometimes, and this is how I handle it…”. Following it up with some of the tools you use to manage your fears. Children thrive on honesty from the adults in their lives. They know when their parents are not being honest and then struggle to trust their advice.

#3. Help children avoid extensive exposure to mainstream media. Mainstream media has cornered the market on reporting violence, doom and gloom. Very rarely do we hear stories of happiness and inspiration. When children or adults are exposed to extensive coverage via television, internet or other media, it is taken on energetically and often emotionally. Even if this media is just on in the background, we all absorb the intensity of what is being shown. It is useful to do an experiment for a few weeks at a time and avoid all exposure to violent media and television shows and gauge if you notice any difference in your own feelings or your child’s feelings.

#4. Deep Belly Breathing. Shallow breathing is a learned habit that many adults and children do naturally. Most people only use approximately 20% of their lung capacity and often this will trigger a “fight or flight” response. It can leave us in a constant state of heightened alert and fear. Practicing deep belly, slow breathing helps children and adults develop skills and patterns that can help modify a fear based response to situations. To practice deep belly breathing, first put your hand on your belly and begin to take a slow, deep breath. Allow the air to travel down to your belly and watch as your hand moves. After your belly is full, then feel your chest rise. Reverse this process on the out breath. Counting how long it takes for the breath in and use the same number for the breath out is ideal. After about 10 breaths, gauge the difference in how you feel.

#5. Relaxation Techniques and Visualization are also excellent tools to help moderate fear and stress. The most simple technique is having your child lay down and close their eyes. Using some soft peaceful music in the background, guide your child through a relaxation where they picture each part of their body beginning with their feet. Instruct them to tighten up the muscles; and then let the energy out of the muscles completely. Beginning with the feet and slowly moving up to each part of the body, your child will notice a significant shift in how they feel once completed. Allow at least 10 minutes to complete this process. After using this process a few times, your child will be able to use the skill to relax on their own.

Holding feelings of fear within the body for a long period of time can create all sorts of emotional and physical problems. Opening dialogue within ourselves first and then with our children can shift fearful responses to those of awareness and ease.